if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
