I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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