she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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