Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
