i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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