my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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