Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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