You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
