Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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