I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
