i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
