no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
