it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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