i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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