He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
