An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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