Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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