So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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