You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
