Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
