You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
