The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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