Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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