My Higher Power is John Stamos
Four minutes until I can fart!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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