awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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