i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
