Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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