Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
