return my video game
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
