Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
