we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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