just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
