Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
