I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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