I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
