I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize