My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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