Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
