the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
