dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
