hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize