The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
