So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
