You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My feet surprised me
Randomize
