All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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