Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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