we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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