That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
