my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
