this boner is exhausting
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
