There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
