You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
