The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
