After last night, I could never be a politician.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize