don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
