dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
