I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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