Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
