i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
