# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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