I skipped work to stalk him.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
