I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
