ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

  Fav 29 1115 6469

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...

  Fav 10 1274 3553

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.

  Fav 8 5229 1404

  share tweet
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.

  Fav 5 2401 1139

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.

  Fav 10 5870 1163

  share tweet
  

• (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.

  Fav 5 1162 1809

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (802): View more from Vermont

  I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.

  Fav 11 2281 905

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no

  Fav 3 654 478

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.

  Fav 0 685 512

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That one probably shouldn't have been in caps

  Fav 1 785 570

  share tweet
  

• (858): View more from California

  I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste

  Fav 1 464 744

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (707): View more from California

  I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao

  Fav 5 561 313

  share tweet
  

• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED

  Fav 0 76 30

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.

  Fav 2 104 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (205): View more from Alabama

  If you break up with me one more time it's over.

  Fav 0 23 52

  share tweet
  

Randomize