I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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