His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
