Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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