We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
