nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Quick, to the slutcave!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
