Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
