Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
