I will die if light touches me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
