Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize