Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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