I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
