so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
