thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
