i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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