I can tuck mytits in my pants
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
