she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
